Ed Harcourt
by xxbrokenbass
Summary: The ups and downs of the Degenerate duo are at times trying…but what do they think of them? How do they feel? Hang on aren’t things supposed to be perfect? Do they even know what they think of each other? Feats ShawnHHH
1. This Intensity Makes No Sense to Me

**Ed Harcourt**

**Disclaimer:** I don't own any of the characters/trademarks featured… the song in this chapter is "Let Love Not Weigh Me Down" by Ed Harcourt… I don't own that either… this story is from the POV of both Shawn and Hunter and does switch from both )…NOTHING is accurate nor is it intended to be…may mention other m/m relationships. 

**Chap1: This Intensity Makes No Sense to Me**

**Shawn**

_We were beating them…getting our revenge, our revenge for Ric. Beating them to a bloody pulp… for Ric…We had 'em… we really did…and then you crumbled… through that table… and I felt like the world had plummeted under my feet… you looked shocked for a moment, the determined… you carried on…I honestly couldn't of been any more proud… we both knew what had happened….so did Randy and his fuck buddy for the moment… I was thrown temporarily back to the days of when my back was done in and my career was over for good… it was determination and grit to get those matches with Steve and Mark over… They'd questioned me, how tough I was…tested me… and even question how Texan I was… can you believe it? ... I showed them… didn't I?_

_Everyone had questioned you… how good you were…you've carried so much…and this happens… and we still come up on top…_

_Babe like I said I couldn't be anymore proud of you._

_We'll get Randy back. Don't worry I'll make sure of it…oh and Edge too…that'll be sorted…it won't be pretty… _

_Just recover…and get back. Then we can celebrate the best way we know how._

_You know I'd be praying for your recovery… do I really need to say I would?_

_Be safe babe… let me deal with the rest.__I hope you let me deal with the rest…I don't want you to get hurt again. God please don't let him get hurt again._

**_Let love not weigh me down…let its weakness be my guide… let this intensity make perfect sense to me…Let love not weigh you down._**

**Hunter**

"Mr Helmsly take it easy for a couple of days… don't want you getting hurt again eh champ?"

A grunt in reply was all that Dr Manifold got…

_I want to be back in the ring…back with Shawn._

"Take it easy"

_If he call me "Champ" one more time I'm gonna ram his stethoscope where the sun don't shine…it's really annoying… Ric is only allowed to call me that because it means something coming from your hero… it's like the passing of a torch…anybody else? It's annoying…simple as…God the two bitches are gonna pay for this… seriously pay…_

_Man I miss him… this aint fair!_

_In fact I'm gonna crazy without him… this is maddening…_

_He doesn't like me honestly…to him I'm just his best friend… and nothing more…_

_But me? I love him… he's great…he's strong, sexy and has a wicked sense of humour… he has a kind soul…a loyal soul… he's beautiful… there is no other word… _

_He's gorgeous… his grey/green eyes have a wicked glint… his face shows so much… and he's never afraid to show what he feels…his lips. Perfect. Body? Do I need to stress how hot he is?_

_He's my Honey and I can't do without him._

_Still like I said… he doesn't even like me that way…_

_So…all that leaves is that…Those bitches are so gonna pay ten fold!_

_Wait till I get hold of them…just wait._

_JUST WAIT!_

**_Let love not cause me pain… Oh let love seem like a dream… my one regret…what I can't forget… oh don't let love cause you pain. Let beauty blind my vision…oh let it move me till I die…and the seeds of despair…all these fruits I share…let your beauty blind my vision._**


	2. Love is all the places you Hold

**Chap2- Love is all the places you Hold**

**Disclaimer: **Still don't anything…and I don't own B4MV either! I am truly gutted at that…I love them! O xxx

**Shawn**

_I saw you come out of the operating theatre… you looked so peaceful…lying there under that anaesthetic… I had my nose pressed outside the window the whole time… I saw them stitch you up_

_**With blood shot eyes, I watch you sleeping the warmth I feel beside me is slowly fading…There's always something different going wrong**_

_Then I couldn't take it anymore… I had to go…leave…get out of there_

_But I won't be gone long… I just…have to clear my head by leaving for a bit…I promise I'll be back_

"Bye Hunt…Won't be long"

**_There's always something different going wrong. The path I walk is in the wrong direction. There's always someone fucking hanging on  
Can anybody help me makes things better?_**

Stephanie walked past Shawn Michaels in a daze… she couldn't believe what had happened. It was like May 21st all over again… that date was embellished in her mind…she'd been here before…looking at him…with his face covered in wires…his leg…oh god! His leg! It had stitch running down his leg…. It was slightly weeping but other then that…

It was just like before… only different this time as well…

Stephanie just stood and watched…she couldn't go near him…it wouldn't be right…

Shawn nearly dropped his coffee upon seeing Stephanie standing there and watching Hunter being wheeled into his ward…his ex-wife was watched paled faced…wide eyed….watching him

_What…WHAT…WHAT THE…Why's she here? She doesn't even care!_

A lump started to form in his throat

_She lied to him… cheated on him…and SHE STILL comes back? SHE DOESN'T CARE!_

_I need to get out of here… that… whatever you want to call her… she's ruined Hunters life… I can't see her manipulate her way back in…I can't… I don't want to see it happen… Oh God why is she hear?_

Bordering on hysteria, Shawn quickly turned on his heel… dumping his coffee in the nearest bin possible…

_I can't see this again. I can't deal with this again. Not now._

**Hunter**

_Where…what…oh right… the leg…damn leg…fucking leg…shitty stupid shitty QUADS…_

_Bust up do ya? Give ya fucking bust up! You stupid quads!... Stupid Edge…Stupid Randy… STUPID QUADS…STUPID STUPID! _

_Why now eh? Why now? Is it just me or something? When things go right…my quads BUST!... I was so close to Shawn… we were getting on great! Better then before even… the silly argument…and all that quarrelling over his career and him coming back… it had passed… he was fine. I shouldn't of worried or expect any less of Shawn… he great he really is… _

_But then… this happens…and there's no chance… none._

_I love you Shawn…I really do… we'll find a way babe…_

Stephanie made her way into the ward… she'd followed them all the way…pushing her way past them… she found Hunter lying on his back with his eyes wide and staring at the ceiling…pulling up a chair… she stared at him…

Realising somebody was there… Hunter quickly turned his head

"Shawn...I…Steph! Oh…God…um…what can I do you for?"

By this point Stephanie was crying

"Hunter I'm so…so…sorry…y-y-you…y-you don't…I'm so sorry"

"Oh god Steph…look don't worry look come ere"

Hunter held Stephanie firmly by the shoulders…

"I'll be okay…fine even...Shawn'll take care of me babe…honestly he's my best friend! What could happen"

_Nothing… Nothing could happen. Nothing will happen…Shawn is a **friend**_

"Cause he will… sorry I'm being silly…" Steph wiped the tears from her eyes "Its…its like May 21st again"

"I…"

_That date… gee thanks for reminding me for the 10000000000th TIME!_

"Its different circumstances"

Hunter's hands sled off Stephanie…

"I know like I said I'm being silly…"

_There is another word for that Stephy…_

Stephanie suddenly looked like she'd become very interested in the floor…

"I haven't forgotten about us y'know…I still remember the little things like shaving your beard and us having that shaving foam fight… or cooking breakfast in bed for each other…or the big things like…like this"

She looked up at him sadly…

"We're over Steph… your lies made that clear enough"

"I know…I'm so…so sorry…"

"It's…its alrite…forget…forget about it…"

Stephanie's head snapped up and she gazed at Hunter

"I best go… business stuff to do… I mean… yeah…since Paul's departure…works been chaos in the creative department…if you need anything…give us a call yeah? See ya around I guess then…"

"Yeah bye"

Stephanie got up…looked at Hunter momentarily…and swept out of the room

Hunter let out a loud sigh…

_God that was awkward…wonder where Shawn's got to?_

**_There's always something different going wrong the path I walk is in the wrong direction there's always someone fucking hanging on  
can anybody help me makes things better?_**


	3. Leave Love Bleeding in My Hands

**Chapter 3- Leave Love Bleeding in My Hands**

**Disclaimer: **I hate Disclaimers… lol… nope don't own Fuel… I certainly don't own HBK or HHH…. -sigh-

_**Memories are just where you laid them  
Dragging the waters til the depths give up their dead**_

**Shawn**

_I can't deal with this right now…do you understand? So do you know what I'm gonna do? I'm gonna leave for a bit… go for a drive… its Wednesday after all… maybe I'll go down and see Becca… maybe I'll see her and lil Cameron…I aint seen the lil guy in a long time… Or maybe I'll just sit on this park bench and calm down for a bit… _

_I probably need to do that…_

_I saw Stephanie come sweeping out of that hospital… all business like… though her eyes…they gave her away…the were red and puffy… I guess she really loves you… do you love her though?_

_Do you really love her? Does she love you like I do?_

_No. She's a liar… she lied about Aurora… she lied about just about everything she did… for goodness sakes she frickin lied about Matt Hardy! And don't get me started on the **others **Are you going to forgive her for that?_

_Are you going to forgive her for sleeping with numerous "superstars"? Are you gonna forgive her for faking her moms death so she could get close to you? _

_You never cheated on her once. You never lied to her once…_

_I remember when you found the truth out about Steph…I had come down to RAW to see you return… and dear ol Steph she was hell bent on destroying your night weren't she? But then Linda made sure you knew about that "baby"… you dropped her like a ton of bricks… you humiliated her, mocked her… got your revenge alrite… You divorced her… and that…that was it. _

_For the moment… until you started seeing her again… _

_She became actually pregnant a year later… with Aurora… you insisted on choosing the doctors… watching over everything eagle eyed… _

_You wanted that kid so badly who could blame ya? _

_Kids are great! Being a father is great!_

_Only you found out that the kid was Jericho's. _

_I remember you burst into my hotel room… I was watching Spongebob Squarepants with a bunch of the other guys… I dunno why but I always find Spongebob so funny… I love Patrick out of that… he's great! John got me in the whole cartoon in the first place…bless him he's great he is…_

_But you burst in and you were sobbing… I'd never seen you cry… funny aint it? We'd been friends for so long… and I'd never seen you cry… fact you've probably seen me cry more over the years then I care to count… but you? Cry? Not once. _

_It just wasn't you. _

_I held you close in my arms for what seemed like forever that night. As you told me what happened…_

_You really loved her didn't you?_

_It honestly broke my heart...to see you in that state, to see you crying so much… _

_I'll never hurt you they way she did… honestly._

_You wait till I get back to work Monday… I'm gonna destroy Edge and Randy Orton!_

_**And I watched as you turned away  
You don't remember, but I do  
You never even tried**_

_I fancy a drive now… though my car's at home… I never take my car when I'm travelling… hitching a ride is more fun… _

_Hm… maybe I'll rent a car instead…_

"Taxi!"

_**Some movie in black and white  
Dead actors faking lines, over and over and over again she cries**_


	4. Scars

**Chapter 4- Scars **

**Disclaimer**- You totally know the deal I don't own Fuel…nor HBK…nor HHH…its not through lack of trying honest! D

**Notes-** This is a pretty short chapter...sorry about that!

**_Since you're gone all is wrong  
Nothing feels the same down here and if you're gone  
And I'm alone whose heart will I scar now dear?_******

**Hunter **

_Do you seriously know how frustrating things are at the moment? _

_Shawn is god knows where now…I don't call this 10 minutes… I don't call this coming godamn back! It's like Wednesday or something… and he hasn't come in since he left when Stephanie did…which was about yesterday? _

_Grr… I seriously don't know what day it is… _

_Come back Shawn! Please? _

**_Chase the sun in my head blistered skin turning red  
I can't complain It's something to do  
Cloud my mind and erase you _**

****

"Mr. Helmsly…since you've come out of the operating theatre…you've had a couple of days rest… I believe you are in a stable enough condition to be able to start your rehabilitation process... We need to start getting you moving Mr. Helmsly and to start getting you walking again… are you okay with what's going to happen?"

"Well I can't stay here all the time can I? I find myself saying with a smirk… _Why'd I say that for? Do you know what learning to walk again is like? You don't honestly understand how humiliating it is to learn to walk again…I know I can't lie here all the time… but trust me it's a lot less painful then trying to walk… _

_But I guess my mouth was right… I can't stay lying down all the time… _

**Later on **

"That's it Mr Helmsly you're doing great… steady now you don't want to go too fast too soon!"

_Walking again is surprisingly easy… at the moment I'm holding on to this bar…and I'm taking cautious baby steps at the moment…with two physical therapists behind me encouraging me… it's not that bad to be honest… _

"Be careful now when turning…you don't want to do it too fast"

_They said that a bit too late really…I'd fallen over from turning to fast… _

_Yeah that sounds like it doesn't make too much sense does it? Trust me… it can be done though… They helped me back into the wheelchair after checking I was okay and calling it a day… _

"You've done well Mr. Helmsly… Recovery time should be about 6 months… however that's all of the rehabilitation… you should be, judging on how fast you picked up walking again…walking properly in roughly a months time"

"Great!"

_Great... 6 MONTHS! On the one hand it's not as long as last time…on the other… its 6 long months away from Shawn… _

"Can I wheel around the hospital for a bit?"

_Being in the ward by myself is pretty boring… _

"Sure go ahead! Give the nurse a call when you want to go back to your bed though… you don't want to over do it"

"Yeah sure"

_Oh dear… that best be one strong nurse its all I'm saying! _


	5. Nothing Adventured, Everything Gained

**Chapter 5- Nothing Adventured, Everything Gained **

****

**Notes- **Still Hunter by the way and still pretty short…****

****

"You look bored"

_You bet I am…I found myself laughing at that comment… it was from a blonde haired little girl in the main ward… she had big blue eyes and such a sweet face… _

_I wheeled back upon hearing the comment and gazed at her… _

"You're damn straight sweetheart"

_She had broken both her legs , which were both clearly up in plaster… _

"Wanna watch some Telly? Smackdown's just about to come on"

_Its Friday…now why didn't I remember that? _

"Sure sweetheart...you watch wrestling often then?"

"No…only since I came here…I like it though… though RAW is waay better the Smackdown…"

"Gee they let you watch that?"

"Yeah sure! Chrissie's a huge fan of it! She lets us watch it and she always comes in on Mondays to see it with us"

"Cool who's your favourite?"

"DX without a doubt! ...I like them soo much!...I like The Undertaker too… he's scary…but cool…"

_I wonder if she's worked out who's she's talking to yet…nah…she can't of done… _

"Who's your favourite?"

"Shawn… Shawn Michaels… and Ric Flair"

"Cool...I like Ric Flair… he's funny whoo!"

_I laughed at this…maybe a little too hard at this if I'm honest… it reminded me of a joke Shawn said once about him…he said it in the most southern of accents…like a drunken cowboy gone wrong… _

_"…That man is pet coon crazy I tells ya… with them eyeballs wide like a dime dollar coin! And pet darn crazy horse face! He's crazy m'dear crazy!" at this he shook his head…making the word last longer… _

_It was truly one of the funniest things Shawn did… _

_Ric came up from behind upon hearing all this going on…and with one of his typical "Whooooo's" made Shawn jump a good foot in the air… _

_Spose it was one of those you had to be there to find it funny moments… _

"He's a legend"

"They both are!"

"Whooo"

_We sat in compatible silence after that… just sitting there and watching Smackdown together, cheering for our favs and booing the "baddies"…she's a darling she really is… _

"Well I better be going"

"Sure… see ya around"

"I'm Hunter by the way"

"Well Hunter I'm Stacy"

"Pleased to meet you Stacy… I'll see you around"

"Bye Triple H"

_Damn she knew who I was all the long… _


	6. Nothing Gained, Everything Adventured

**Chapter 6- Nothing Gained, Everything Adventured **

**Disclaimer: **Don't own the song (Save Me-Shinedown), don't own any of the characters here… Please stop tormenting me Mr Disclaimer guy!

**Shawn **

_…So I'm standing here in the middle of nowhere right by my rental car…   
And… the breakdown guy is taking his sweet time… _

**_I got a candle and I've got a spoon   
I live in a hallway with no doors and no rooms   
Such a concrete living in the doorway without a sound _**

_Breakdown Cover… such a pain in the derrière lemme tell ya… unfortunately… for people like me… well they're needed aint they? _

**_Please just save me from my vast wasteland   
Jump in the water…Jump in with me   
Lay down with me   
My heart is questioning… WHY? _**

_Do you honestly know what I hate when I'm just standing here on the look out for this bloke?   
Doing nothing but think…   
I saw Cam and Becca… lil guy's chirping along fine he is… it was so great to see him again… lemme tell ya though he's a menace when he's in his toy monster truck though! _

_I'm surprised my ankles honestly haven't broken or something… well actually when I think about it… no I'm not that surprised…   
I'm famous for having tough skin!   
And secretly tough ankles… afterall I did wrestle Angle for a while… he didn't break my ankle… and to be honest…I'd call that an achievement…he's rather good at breaking them ankles he is… _

**_There are no windows here   
Such a concrete way of living here… with no sound _**

_Still… Cam's into cars at the moment… especially Trucks… the bigger the more happy he is… I'm sure next time I'll see him he'll be into something else… so long as it isn't drugs or drink or something… but Becca'll make sure he's never into that anyway! _

_Bless her…she always takes care of our special lil guy… his half sisters gonna be very happy in that home…with Becca, Bret and Cam…   
…And me… part-time daddy… _

_I can't explain how much I miss Cam…or even Becca at times…   
I can't blame her for cheating on… for wanting out… _

_I wasn't exactly… the most faithful…hell half the time during that relationship I was either out living it up and spending the night with someone else… anyone and everyone else… or I was unconscious on the sofa recovering from God knows what… _

_It wasn't exactly Hunter and Steph…  
It was my fault and I had it coming in a way…   
Hunter didn't deserve what he got… _

_Bret sounds like a reliable, steady, sensible kinda guy…   
Not me in any way… Becca deserves him… _

**_Please just save me if you can   
From blasphemy in a wasteland   
How did I get here…and what went wrong? _**

_The only thing that freaks me out about Bret… is well… his name… "Bret"   
And the fact he sounds too much like my Bret…   
That's probably why I avoid meeting her Bret…   
My Bret hates me at any rate… and again… it was my fault… _

_I think that it's the way I used to be y'know…Unfaithful, Selfish and Uncaring…   
Well… I did kinda two time my boyfriend with his brother… then kinda…   
Screwed up my then Ex's career…there was bound to be some hard feeling no? _

**_Look at my own eyes   
How can I love this?   
When I'm so dishonest?   
Leave me compromised _**

_I won't dream of doing what I did in the past… not now…   
Becca did one thing… she helped me grow up and better myself…   
Well in the end she did… _

**_I got a candle and I've got a spoon  
I live in a hallway with no doors and no rooms  
Such a concrete living in the doorway without a sound _**

_ I love Hunter y'know… and I wouldn't make the same mistakes again… ever…   
I swear   
If only we had a chance… _

**_Someone save me if you will   
And take away all these pills   
Just please save me from my blasphemy in my wasteland _**

_The breakdown guy's here… he's gonna give me a lift to the hotel… The show's in Texas… where? I don't honestly know… I'll be honest…meeting bore the hell out me… Hunter is the one who always informs of where I'm going… _

_So now he's not here I don't honestly know where the show is…   
I'm sure some of the guys will be there already…in fact I guarantee it…The Sprit Squad and Coach are always at least 4 days early… why? I don't know… they have no lives it seems…   
But still… they'll probably know…_

_That guy was just lucky it's Texas… and that it hardly ever rains…   
If it was raining... trust me… I wouldn't be happy right now…   
Not that I'm really happy at the moment…   
But still…there better be a findable phone at that hotel y'know… _

_I want to ring Hunter…   
Can you do at a hospital? _

_Hm… second thoughts… maybe I should scrap that idea… it's not a prison…I'll see him again… soon. _


	7. Change Your Heart…Its all you can do

**Chapter 7- Change Your Heart…Its all you can do **

Notes: Sorry for the lack of updates...things have been very hectic recently...still..enjoy none the less & I'll update when I can xxx

_2 months since... _

**Triple H **

_Well… I'm kind of walking now…abet on crutches… but hey I'm upright! ... It's been a while since I thought about where I'm standing… in life I mean…things get so crazy in life… especially when you're a professional wrestler… I suppose being a professional anything means you've automatically got a 100x more responsibilities…though the pays good… so I can't really complain right? _

_I don't wrestle for the money… whatever anybody thinks… getting thrown around the ring like some sorta rag doll… would you get beat up all the time for sake of a Million bucks a year?...Hell I'd wrestle for 50…Like I said it aint about the money… It's about passion… _

_Any bastard can walk in…make their money…and leave…fucking leave! Just at the drop of a hat, or a resignation note… and you leave, retiring to your nice Spanish villa… _

_But it takes a passionate bastard to stick out his job, because he loves it and wants to be the best… _

_And that's what being a professional is all about…It's what all the guys and gals strive for in my line of work… _

_I spose it's the same for any professional… like a professional medicine guy…or a professional learner giver guy… hang on… I'm being dumb there… but you know what I mean? _

_GAH my brains have been so mushy as of late… I've just been so tired during this rehab; you think it's a piece of piss? Bang someone goes in…they come out! Completely changed!... If only it was that easy…It's exhausting… I'm exhausted. _

_But back to this professional thing anyway right? To be a professional you have to work hard in your field and keeping going till you get your goal…to be the best damn professional you can be… you have to stand out, stretch your field… I like to think that's what I've done… _

_I know Shawn's done that… I mean Christ look at him! A broken back! Risking paralysis every time he steps in that ring…and yet he manages…inspiring aint he? _

_Oh did I mention me and Steph are back together? Don't ask me why… what even possessed me to get back with her… what can I say? I really do like her… _

_I'm not telling Shawn though… he'd kill me… _

_Did I mention he's my best friend and I love him?... I'd figured I'd remind myself if nothing more… I haven't thought "I LOVE SHAWN" for at least 10 minutes… _

_A record if I don't say so myself…I wonder if he'll call round today? _

**Shawn **

_I didn't mean to leave you hanging…I just got hung up with some things… things have been SO mad recently…I mean have you seen me on TV recently? I'm on fire! Not literally mind… that would hurt… quite a bit… _

_But anyway… things have been mad…and uh…yeah…busy. _

_Cant really put it in any other words really… _

"Hey Babe! We're still on for tonight?"

"Yeah sure course honey"

"ALRITE! See ya sweetie"

_Ah Jeffery _

_Seriously don't mind him… He just popped round my lockeroom door… We've being going out for a while now…You may know him… Well you shouldn't call yourself a wrestling fan if you didn't know who Jeff Hardy is… aint he gorgeous? I like him… _

_He'd just leant over and kisses my forehead…I responded by kissing back on the nose… we're like that see? ... I guess we're like one of them cute couples you just want to choke the living crap out off… still… I guess we're happy…even if Matt does roll his eyes at us constantly when we get like that… well…what can I say? _

_Jeff…he's kind funny, beautiful, full of energy, steady… and not pining after his ex wife… _

_Hell I don't even think Jeff's been married… hmm y'know what? I suddenly like him more… _


	8. Running Hills

**Chapter 8- Running Hills**

**Authors Note:** Don't worry folks the Jeff/Shawn pairing was temporary and will a number of pairings with Shawn... Appologies for the slow updates...things at home have been pretty hectic. Enjoy this chapter at any rate... Try and guess what'll happen in the end D Oh by the way... this story features one Jeffery Nero Hardy's thoughts too & a made up middle name for Shawn & It also features "Running up that Hill" originally by Kate Bush but covered by many people afterwards including Placebo 3 xxx

_**It doesnt hurt me, Do you want to feel how it feels? Do you want to know that it doesnt hurt me? Do you want to hear about the deal that Im making?**_

**Shawn.**

_Well my relationship with Jeff didn't last long..._

_Whatever. _

_I've moved on..._

_Randy seems much more my type... _

_Yes he's younger... so was Jeff...by Jeff was... innocent. too innocent. I'd corrupt him...I really would...  
Randy... he's more self assured, I like that. _

_Reminds me of me... when I was younger I mean...not now, Im far too old and mature too be like that now..._

**_You, its you and me.And if only I could..._**

**Jeff.**

_I saw Shawn today..._

_He was walking hand in hand with Adam...Better known as Edge..._

_ Edge was grinning like a cat who got the cream...while Shawn was fawning over him...Kissing him,hugging him... _

_They walk past me and Shannon. I look away... I can't beleive Shawn! _

_Why is he doing this? Shannon just looks straight pass them... He doesn't care.  
_

_Last week it was John...This week it's Edge...I think a few weeks ago it was Randy..._

_Not that I'm keeping tags over him or anything...I just care. Thats all. _

_Shawn came "out" with me as his boyfriend...he made me feel so special... but I guess this is what you get for going out with your Idol... False love._

**_Is there so much hate for the ones we love? Tell me, we both matter, dont we?_**

"I just hope he knows what he's do Shan..."...Shannon just gazes at me, shrugs and replies.  
"He's Shawn Michaels...Course he knows what he's doing. Jeffy"

_I just wish to God I wasn't one of the people he burned..._

**_Unaware Im tearing you asunder but see how deep the bullet lies Ooh, there is thunder in our hearts_**

**Shawn.**

_I first realised I was gay when I was 18... _

_I had an affair with a guy called Mark, tall, skinny and ginger he was... just a year older then me... had an obsession with the dark arts,tattoos,motorbikes and wrestling...he had quite a smile from what I remember... we met in Houston, My then girlfriend lived there...and I'd just moved to San Antonio with my parents, my dad was stationed there for a while...so I used to drive up to Houston...It was worth the 2 hour drive lemme tell ya... She was stunning!... Long mid length hair, a pretty heart shaped face with striking blue eyes...Marissa was her name... But like all my relationships with women... me and my girlfriends good thing quickly turned sour... she cheated on me with a bloke... the name escapes me now...to get back at her...I went to the local, got very drunk and slept with the nearest bloke...Mark. I was lucky I didn't get battered, in those days being gay was almost like a forbidden taboo...nobody talked about it, nobody acknowledged it... it just happened... Thankfully Mark himself was too tanked up to remember me himself... that was a good thing. I still remember him though... I'm not so lucky as to forget what happens when I'm drunk..._

_I never admitted it to anybody...not for a long time...Not my Ex Wife, Or my Ex Girlfriends...My friends or My family... The only other wrestler throughout my entire career who knew was Marty...He simply understood. I'll never forget that..._

_I look over to my right... Adam's eyes are shut and he's snoring lightly as his chest moves up and down...he's sleeping...his dark blonde hair is trailing over his face...his tight black shirt is crumpled and his jeans are folded up in creases from where he's moved about in his sleep... we both crashed out last night after watching a late night movie in my hotel room... well sort of watching a late night movie... theres cold, half uneaten pizza on the floor... my watch says its half past five... I roll over and kiss Adam gently on the forehead... he's not a bad guy... not as bad as everyone thinks he is at least... He just... Not Hunter. There I said it._

_Nobody can match up to Hunter...No One...Perhaps I should go and see him sometime...I just can't stand seeing him with her... I can't. I won't..._

**_And if I only could,  
I'd make a deal with god,  
And Id get him to swap our places,  
Be running up that road,  
Be running up that hill,  
Be running up that building,  
Say, if I only could, oh..._**

_I need some fresh air... my bones are creaking...my muscles are sore...and if truth be told I am still half alseep... but I need a walk... so I grab my keys and my coat...and leave... _

_Sorry Adam..._

**MEANWHILE ****3:00 in the AFTERNOON**

**Hunter.**

"Hunter! Hunter!...HUNTER! HUNNNTTERR!"

_God you can hear Stephanie's shrieks from down the hall...annoying bitch...she's slamming doors as search intensifies...she's getting near..._

_I JUST need 5 minutes on my own...5 godamn fucking minutes!... I'm in the hospital gym you see? recouperating this leg of mine see? For my career? For Shawn. SEE?  
She doesn't seem to understand that Gym time means ME time!...she probably wants money or something...spoilt brat... I'm not answering her..._

_I grit my teeth at this and push my self harder...what I wouldn't do to see Shawn again._

"Hunter?"

_Shit she's found me..._

"Hunter!"

"What?"

"Is that anyway to talk to me? Where have you been? I've been looking for you the past half an hour! I was so worried about you"

"I'm sorry dear Doc said I needed to spend some time strenghing my leg..."

_This is met with a disapproving cluck of the tongue...I am of course bullshitting...unfortunatly my ex wife knows this all too well...still I continue..._

"...and I couldn't hear you from here...which is the gym as you can see..."

"Duh"

_I ignore this and continue_

"...you know what I'm like...stick Motorhead on my iPod and I'm away pumping iron like a mad man"

_She laughs a cold, false laugh...the kind of laugh you put on when your boss makes a bad joke at a dinner party... truth is I could hear her "shouting" even over Overkill... it ruined not only my quiet sanctuary...but one of my favourite songs..._

"What was it you wanted darling?"

_She stops her awkward laughing...why the hell she was still laughing I don't know... and then she looks at me seriously..._

"Its Shawn..."

**_And if I only could,  
Id make a deal with god,  
And I'd get him to swap our places,  
Be running up that road,  
Be running up that hill,  
Be running up that building,  
Say, if I only could..._**

**_If only I could run up that hill_**


End file.
